Gina's Ramblings

Some ways to give

Commissary gift certificates


Heroes At Home Sears registry

It has been a fairly subdued day today actually. I could complain about the fireworks that the neighbors have been setting off for 3 days staight.... day and night. But I just wish I had all of the money they wasted on them. With the overcast day we are having our view tonight will not be that great honestly. But I will do my best. I am making a non traditional chili and cornbread for dinner :)


Our new foster son is a cute kid. I am awaiting Monday to hear when he will go back to his parents.

We are at 53% done with this deployment!!! 53%!!!!!! That is over the hump and I am bound and determined to have the downhill section go smoother.

DS has one last shot here at home. He knows that I am serious. I think for the first time he realizes that. I got face to face with him and let him know, I will love him forever, but I have to protect him and protect myself and the other kids. I will do whatever it takes to do that. Even if that meant him no longer living here. I would not hesitate to do it. I let him know that I cannot help him if he will not help himself and won't pull his weight. I do not have it in me to go for many more years fighting with him to get help he won't take (that make sense?)
The doctor agreed with me and agreed he might do better out of the hospital for the time being and added another medication to the line-up. Man I cringe saying that. I am not out to medicate the hell of my child. He needs to take medication to find enough balance to make him able to use the tools we are trying to teach him so he can cope on his own.
So that is where we are. If he violates again, I will have him back in the hospital possibly until the order expires this fall. as soon as he is released he would be on a plane to his dads.

Something nice would be a flippin' plus. DS had another break. He pulled a knife on me. Yeah folks you read that right. I was ready to put the training in disarming to good use. UGH Nothing came of it and he took off ot the door again. His friends brought him back home this time. He is in MAJOR violation of his release orders. I could (and may) have him readmitted. He has another appointment tomorrow and I will go on the doctors recomendation.
I am at the point that I am ready for him not to live here anymore. God what type of mother says that?? It tears me up to even think it. His biological father, I suppose a good enough person (I wouldn't know who he personality and responsiblty wise now). BUT he insists there is nothing really wrong with "his son". It is apparently the lack of parental ability on my part. Oh and of course the "lifestyle we lead" (read into that my husband is in the service). I fear my son will not get adequate care for his needs there. I also fear for my ex's children. I know DS can be violent. And the fact that I would essentially giving up on my child.... it is enough to drive someone crazy (or crazier). So yeah it is torment. There appears to be no good answer. So either I ask for him to be readmitted, ship him off to his father's, or tough it out as usual.
What will I do? I do not know.
The cherry on the crap sundae that is my life lately, my water heater has quit working. Not sure what is going on with it at all, well besides the fact that NOTHING is going on LOL. Of course there was a 3 year warranty on it.... anyone want to guess when that time was up? You get a cookie if you guessed March this year. It of course hapens AFTER regular business hours and of course when I have dishes to do and I smell like I have been rolling in a barn stall (OK not really but you needed a pleasant picture there ). I am going to see if a local military assistance organization has plumbers who will work at a discount or something. Until then? Cold showers and boiled water for dishes yippie. I am all for a simpler life but hot water? Not something I want to give up.

-we are stuck in the make too much for help but not enough category
-11% is crappy odds
-summer colds BITE THE BIG ONE
-exes who lie are irritating
-4 months seems like FOREVER some days
-increasing home values and stalled housing markets is mind boggling
-fall of 2009 is way too close for comfort
-gas prices are too high (duh)
-why is it that the one child who you know is BAD for your child to befriend is the one they insist on being buddy buddy with? Waiting on the trainwreck that always happens

On the advice of a counselor of DS#1's I have applied for disability for DS. I know I know...but it isn't like we are trying to milk the system or anything it is just the expense of getting him what he needs to possibly be a part of mainstream society. The things that are recommended for him would be no problem if either he was my only child or if he wasn't so destructive at home (I am constantly repairing something or buying something new to replace something). But this will help with the cost of those things and the transportation to doctor appointments. That is IF we get approved. From what I have hear it is a battle in itself. I know though that we have the support of our doctors. Again thank God for our insurance. We are now OVER $50,000 for DS's hospital stay (new statements in the mail today)!


DS is doing ok. This week was better than the last. So I am embracing even the littlest improvements.

My other kiddos? They are doing wonderfully :) They are loving the freedom of summer and it is a constant whirl of friends over heading out to play and all of that. My neighbors jokingly called me Ms Suzy Homemaker because I call the kids in every night at 5:30. They know that means dinner is ready haha.

Let's see. DS got home the end of May. He is much the same but he is coping a lot better in some ways. But everytime something is not what he wants... he breaks. Makes threats and says he wants to be sent back. The court order has made it easy to do that if we need it but he is using as a cop out right now. I am learning as we go myself so I am doing my best. The other news...his cholesteatoma might be growing back again. so frustrating. I am sure these things weigh heavy on him too you know?

We still have our one dog. He is still going from his crate to outside and out for his meals and water and all. I have gone down every avenue. The shelter here cannot take him because they do not have the capabilities to euthanize...the ONLY option for a dog who has bitten. The 'last chance' shelter won't take him. The rescue won't no matter the begging. I have two more options before I have to take him in and have our vet put him down. I am HOPING one of these can help him.

DH has been gone 3 months now. I miss him a lot. He is mising out on all of this fun here lol.
I am doing ok. Actually I am more level than I have been in a long while. I suppose this series of crisis's is honing my skills. haha