Wednesday, September 13, 2006
How much do you compromise?
Well this is probably too deep for me to get into since I had the worst nights sleep (btw Rozerem does NOT work for me).
Let me start by saying I love my boys. They are the world to me honest. Now that is not saying there aren't days where I just want some time to myself or to run away to some beach and have my own private cabana boy ;)
I dream of having another child, idealy two more. However Mother Nature is a cruel woman. She cursed me with seoncary infertility. It took 6 YEARS to have Grady. 6 years. That is not counting the losses prior to successfully carrying him to term.
We have been 'not preventing' since he was born. Even tried a couple of IUI's about $1,000 on those procedures. No success. It breaks my heart it really does. Our insurance does NOT cover any reproductive endocronologists (RE) in the state. They are, at this point our only hope I think. I am not getting any younger. I once had dreams I would have had my 4 or 5 children by the time I reached 30. I had my third at age 30. There is little hope of me having another at all before I turn 35.
I have also wanted to add to our family through adoption as well. So many kids out there in the foster care system that need families. I look at the photo listings and my heart breaks. I am also drawn to some of these kids. I know we could be the family they need to make their life complete. Some people say that adopting a child through the system is "such a gamble" that you never really know what type of problems they will have. Well the same can be said for a child you give birth to. If you doubt that I would like to introduce you to my oldest son! No matter what you do, the precautions you take etc you are not guaranteed a 'perfect' child health and/or emotional wise.
Now my husband has said he does not want to adopt. Why because he is afraid he will treat the child differently. Afraid of the "you are not my REAL Dad" thing. Afraid of the unknown problems that will come along. A lot of this, based on him and my older son. I am mad. YES mad! I feel like he is backing out of things in a way.
I do 90% of the child raising, caring for the house etc. It is, or, well should be easy for him. We talked about this all, how many children me being a SAHM etc BEFORE we got married. I know things change but maybe this is one thing I didn't WANT to have change.
How much of my desire to have a family do I compromise? Should I just be content having my three boys and forget anymore. Should I do this because it is what my husband wants? Is it having a biological child or nothing? It isn't like I can just sneak a child into the house without dh noticing. Or "oops" a pregnancy or something-heck I couldn't if I tried haha.
I know marriage is about compromise and communication etc but how much of my dreams do I give up? Were IS the line between compromise and giving up ones dreams? Am I being selfish? Is dh? Are we both too stubborn and pig headed to actualy talk this out? Is there a middle ground here? UGH!!
Let me start by saying I love my boys. They are the world to me honest. Now that is not saying there aren't days where I just want some time to myself or to run away to some beach and have my own private cabana boy ;)
I dream of having another child, idealy two more. However Mother Nature is a cruel woman. She cursed me with seoncary infertility. It took 6 YEARS to have Grady. 6 years. That is not counting the losses prior to successfully carrying him to term.
We have been 'not preventing' since he was born. Even tried a couple of IUI's about $1,000 on those procedures. No success. It breaks my heart it really does. Our insurance does NOT cover any reproductive endocronologists (RE) in the state. They are, at this point our only hope I think. I am not getting any younger. I once had dreams I would have had my 4 or 5 children by the time I reached 30. I had my third at age 30. There is little hope of me having another at all before I turn 35.
I have also wanted to add to our family through adoption as well. So many kids out there in the foster care system that need families. I look at the photo listings and my heart breaks. I am also drawn to some of these kids. I know we could be the family they need to make their life complete. Some people say that adopting a child through the system is "such a gamble" that you never really know what type of problems they will have. Well the same can be said for a child you give birth to. If you doubt that I would like to introduce you to my oldest son! No matter what you do, the precautions you take etc you are not guaranteed a 'perfect' child health and/or emotional wise.
Now my husband has said he does not want to adopt. Why because he is afraid he will treat the child differently. Afraid of the "you are not my REAL Dad" thing. Afraid of the unknown problems that will come along. A lot of this, based on him and my older son. I am mad. YES mad! I feel like he is backing out of things in a way.
I do 90% of the child raising, caring for the house etc. It is, or, well should be easy for him. We talked about this all, how many children me being a SAHM etc BEFORE we got married. I know things change but maybe this is one thing I didn't WANT to have change.
How much of my desire to have a family do I compromise? Should I just be content having my three boys and forget anymore. Should I do this because it is what my husband wants? Is it having a biological child or nothing? It isn't like I can just sneak a child into the house without dh noticing. Or "oops" a pregnancy or something-heck I couldn't if I tried haha.
I know marriage is about compromise and communication etc but how much of my dreams do I give up? Were IS the line between compromise and giving up ones dreams? Am I being selfish? Is dh? Are we both too stubborn and pig headed to actualy talk this out? Is there a middle ground here? UGH!!
