Gina's Ramblings

been doing my best to keep my spirits up this Christmas. To be honest I do NOT have it bad or anything just different. In all the years we have been married this is the first Christmas I have not spent with my husband. I know I should count my lucky stars but still. There were a few Christmases where the boys and I all crowded in one bed waiting for Dad to walk in the door Christmas morning (I am smiling from the memories here)waiting to dive into the stockings and presents.... But here I am this year no husband and no oldest son. My oldest I OFFERED for his dad to spend the holiday with him. But I regret it and I miss him (my son not the ass er ex) too. But then again it has been forever since his Dad has spent Christmas day with him so it is fair.
Anyway I have been very down this season. I am not even cooking dinner this year. I just cannot reason cooking for only a few people. I JUST bought a table top tree to have something to put the presents around. I didn't take the boys out to cut down the tree, no Christmas train around the tree, no traditional ornaments etc. I just don't see the NEED for it this year.
I hate to say it and I won't let the kids know but I cannot wait for the holidays to be OVER!! Talk about a funk... I am in one