Sunday, October 07, 2007
I am exhausted
I am not tired from the pregnancy. My oldest son, I love him but it is hard so very hard to like him sometimes. it is diffucult to deal with. Because of his "issues" there are times he goes into rages. I am not talking about a temper tantrum. I am talking about hitting punching and kicking and biting and destroying things....Threatening suicide harming himself, hitting himself, biting himself etc. (any marks he causes to himself even bite marks, he tries to later blame on us) Last week I had to restrain him for an hour during a rage of his. Just so he wouldn't hurt himself.
This happens weekly about 2 times a week. Good weeks maybe once. Bad three times or more. it can be the smallest thing that sets him off. Like today it was he felt he was the only one doing chores. FAR from the truth. But it started a rage. It was about 4 hours worth. It could have been worse so it was a better one honestly. But dealing with it drains you it takes ever bit of evergy out of you heck it even takes a piece of your soul leaving a little black weaping part knowing that again you couldn't help him. his counselor sees him once a week. He can see there are some issues there. What he doesn;t see is what we are forced to live with. maybe his tone would change a bit.
There is a loving chld in there SOMEWHERE and nothng I have tried is getting him out. His doctor is trying to take things before we slam meds back on him but for my families sake something MUST be done. We cannot live like this forever. I never prayed or a miracle cure as much as I have for my son.
It is getting to the point I will be asking about admitting him to get medications started and a balance found. Plus extra therapies.... I look forward to that beinga possiblity and I actually LOOK FORWARD to it!! Please somebody HELP I want my family back I want to like him again.
We as a family are suffering living with someone who is bipolar. Living through most parts SCARED of the extremesIt brings me to tears. Heck I am crying now. The doctor need to do SOMETHING to help with the rages I am getting closer to not feeling safe. The babies sleep in with me....
This happens weekly about 2 times a week. Good weeks maybe once. Bad three times or more. it can be the smallest thing that sets him off. Like today it was he felt he was the only one doing chores. FAR from the truth. But it started a rage. It was about 4 hours worth. It could have been worse so it was a better one honestly. But dealing with it drains you it takes ever bit of evergy out of you heck it even takes a piece of your soul leaving a little black weaping part knowing that again you couldn't help him. his counselor sees him once a week. He can see there are some issues there. What he doesn;t see is what we are forced to live with. maybe his tone would change a bit.
There is a loving chld in there SOMEWHERE and nothng I have tried is getting him out. His doctor is trying to take things before we slam meds back on him but for my families sake something MUST be done. We cannot live like this forever. I never prayed or a miracle cure as much as I have for my son.
It is getting to the point I will be asking about admitting him to get medications started and a balance found. Plus extra therapies.... I look forward to that beinga possiblity and I actually LOOK FORWARD to it!! Please somebody HELP I want my family back I want to like him again.
We as a family are suffering living with someone who is bipolar. Living through most parts SCARED of the extremesIt brings me to tears. Heck I am crying now. The doctor need to do SOMETHING to help with the rages I am getting closer to not feeling safe. The babies sleep in with me....
