Gina's Ramblings

Well not too much to update really. I wish there were more to report to be honest. My mother came up and said "You are looking pregnant" I could hear the 'as opposed to just fat' in her voice. But eh...She is the one who has her heart set we are finally having a girl.
Little one is still kicking. I was worried because Saturday I did not feel the baby moving at all all morning to early afternoon. I was a little freaked I got home (we had a soccer game and the end of the season party) and it took me a minute to find the heart beat. A minute is FOREVER! but all was fine and as soon and I found the heart beat the little one was moving around a ton..... figures.
I have not been sleeping great and my dreams are just so far out there it is like I wake up confused every morning.

Tomorrow my five year old has surgery so I am trying to remain as calm as possible. That has lead to cleaning today so that is a plus haha

Well I have decided that since My ONLY real reasoning for wanting a new baby swing was the fact the Fisher Price swing could plud into the wall (saving on batteries) I will simply buy more rechargable batteries in the appropriate size for the swing we do have.
And there was a lady on a message board who claimed to be 'sensitive' to knowing the gender of your baby (while you were pregnant duh) I posted and wouldn't you know, she saw BOY with us! lol I really would love to have a girl. This is the last baby we will be having but I am honestly OK with a boy too. Maybe we are meant to have boys and ONLY boys?

My 2 y/o totally cracked me up today! We were at soccer practice and it was beautiful weather so I took the other kids to the playground there. We had a blast and the baby enjoyed the sun and watching everyone play. I pointed out to my 2 y/o that the moon was up (it was dusk) and that the sun was up too. He thought the moon was neat and he said. "Mom I catch it!" And then he ran off to catch the moon :) It was just a cute innocent little gesture. I called him back and told him the moon was just too far away to catch.

Well 18 weeks is here. Very close to halfway considering I will be induced early it may BE halfway :)
Bity baby G is kicking and moving and shaking. When I am layying down I can feel him or her externaly and tell you where (s)he is laying. I can verify with the doppler :)
All is going pretty well. I am getting big. Well bigger lol Sleeping is uncomfortable. If I could manage a Tempurpedic I so would buy one. But not in the budget.
I am making some Bratwursts while they smell good I am not sure I will eat one. And some homemade mac n cheese.
Tomorrow my oldest will be a teenager! Wow a teenager. Am I old enough to have a teen? Ugh I guess I am
I heard from my dh today! It was nice to hear his voice!
that is it for me folks!

Anniversary to me, us... well me because I am home alone....without DH that is ;)
DH is gone again this year. Normal par for the course type of stuff though.
We will make it special eventually

Not a phrase you ever want to hear about your child “According to the tests your son has psychotic and delusional tendencies” So off to another doctor to deal with that so the other doctor can deal with the other issues.
UGH
Then of course starting Tuesday we are homeschooling him! I say we, I mean me. Why? I truly do enjoy my breaks (as TERRIBLE as that sounds) from him. He is VERY tiring, heck exhausting to deal with. But he is failing at school, not because he does not understand the material but because he cannot function with other children. His therapist agrees with the decision, his school counselor also agrees with the decision, my husband and DS#1's biodad does too.
I however am terrified!

Well (s)he has moved on up and I am catching the heart beat up near my belly button too. (s)he is still a kicker a definite mover and shaker ;) But is it in pink or blue?!?!?!?! I am giddy about finding out the gender of this little one. I have a girls name that is ready to be attached to a little soul. as for the boy names we may just throw them all out there until something somewhere sticks.
It doesn't help I like Gaelic and Celtic names and some Germanic names

My belly is getting a bit bigger I am rinnung into things that were fine last week.

Well it appears the 2 y/o has fifth disease. He had a high fever and general lousy feeling toward the end of last week. This morning he wakes up and tada the stereotypical slapped cheek appearance. I know that fifth disease can be devistating to pregnant women. Causing miscarriage etc. HOWEVER After one of my losses I was tested for immunity and I AM immune! and that is something that doesn't go away. Basically I have had it before. But it still makes me nervous.

If we have a girl she will have to get these shoes!! hehe too cute!

And my love of gorillas, a boy will have to get these
I will of course have to find them cheaper than zappos though lol

a call from DH. it was great to hear his voice. I miss him so much. Gosh how immature and high schoolish does that sound? Talkng to him is always a weird double edged sword. I love to talk to him but it makes me miss him more. Our anniversary is in less than a week and he won't be here. But missing two in ten years not too bad right? Of course he calls from another country and says, "We have got to come here together" Do you know how many ports I have heard that about? And how many have we been able to go to together? Wait let me add it up... ummm 0+0 yeah still equals ZERO zilch none etc. LeSigh
Soon right? Soon we will say goodbye to the military life and we will be retirees ;) He can take some normal time off and travel. MAC flights here we come! Plus our planned cruise for our fifteenth anniversary. :)

Bi-Polar awareness day. Living with a child who suffers from bipolar disorder it is not an easy road. You can read more about bipolar disorder in children at BPkids. Support the cause, hug a parent who is trying their best to cope or spread the word.

Weird science...... nah just a weird dream. I was walking down the road with a male friend. He wanted to know how things are going for me. I amswered that I was just not in love anymore and that I simply go through the motions. But I figured I was happy enough to stay. Ummmmmm ook That makes sense?
Maybe too much of this 80's Britt band hits I like to listen to at night??

I am still down for pounds. that is a good thing :)
All is well baby is well I am fine. Like I said the Lull period BOOOORRRRRIIIINNNNNGGGG hahaha
My ultrasound is schedled..... nov 6th. WAH that is a week later than I thought but I will be ok ;)
I know the baby will be fine so my focus is hoping we can find out the gender LOL
Oh the doctor asked me if we were planning on more children. this with him knowing we have 6 at home LOL I told him no. He asked about what we were going to do. I told him I wanted my tubes tied. Well I said Tied burnt cut tied and burnt again. He got a good chuckle out of that one
I know that is pretty darn final but we are done. We really are. This pregnancy was a WONDERFUL and huge surprise and I am so happy for it. But after this we are done. I cannot carry anymore it is too hard on me. and there are TRULY so many out there that need a home should we ever choose to expand our family...

Pregnancy Nazi! Yeah I do things differently you are NOT going to change my mind!! Nor am I going try to change yours.
Now excuse me while I go eat a subway sandwich!! GASP!!! Someone call CPS!!!! Well it is toasted... hmmmm is that only partially bad??

I am not tired from the pregnancy. My oldest son, I love him but it is hard so very hard to like him sometimes. it is diffucult to deal with. Because of his "issues" there are times he goes into rages. I am not talking about a temper tantrum. I am talking about hitting punching and kicking and biting and destroying things....Threatening suicide harming himself, hitting himself, biting himself etc. (any marks he causes to himself even bite marks, he tries to later blame on us) Last week I had to restrain him for an hour during a rage of his. Just so he wouldn't hurt himself.
This happens weekly about 2 times a week. Good weeks maybe once. Bad three times or more. it can be the smallest thing that sets him off. Like today it was he felt he was the only one doing chores. FAR from the truth. But it started a rage. It was about 4 hours worth. It could have been worse so it was a better one honestly. But dealing with it drains you it takes ever bit of evergy out of you heck it even takes a piece of your soul leaving a little black weaping part knowing that again you couldn't help him. his counselor sees him once a week. He can see there are some issues there. What he doesn;t see is what we are forced to live with. maybe his tone would change a bit.
There is a loving chld in there SOMEWHERE and nothng I have tried is getting him out. His doctor is trying to take things before we slam meds back on him but for my families sake something MUST be done. We cannot live like this forever. I never prayed or a miracle cure as much as I have for my son.
It is getting to the point I will be asking about admitting him to get medications started and a balance found. Plus extra therapies.... I look forward to that beinga possiblity and I actually LOOK FORWARD to it!! Please somebody HELP I want my family back I want to like him again.

We as a family are suffering living with someone who is bipolar. Living through most parts SCARED of the extremesIt brings me to tears. Heck I am crying now. The doctor need to do SOMETHING to help with the rages I am getting closer to not feeling safe. The babies sleep in with me....

Well things are progressing. I am not fond of this stage. The reason? It seems like this is the lull nothing really happening. I really do not look pregnant. The morning/all day sickness has pretty much passed. And my appetite is returning. Eh I will be huge soon and be complaining about that. haha I am not easy to plase am I?
But I can feel the baby more. That is an awesome thing ;)
Good news: When DH gets back home I will be more than halfway through this pregnancy!
Bad news: AGAIN he will miss the big ultrasound. But I am trying to come up with a creative way of telling him the gender.

Today is full of muscle twitches or bitty baby G is kicking!!! I feel definite flicks every once in awhile. I just cannot wait for it to be more consistant.

#(%&#($^&#(^&)#^*#)*(^#)*^)#^
Dang pelvic bone and ligament pain HURTS like hell!
I hd this last time and also with my 9 y/o. But I forgot..... I think Mother Nature does that on purpose.... how bad it is. Walking up and down the stairs is HELL stepping over anything almost brings tears to me eyes...
Well it will be better.... by next Summer!