Monday, April 28, 2008
nighttime
You know during the day I have a lot to keep me busy-the kids, the house, projects, currently spring cleaning and my various other endeavors. But come night when all of the kids are asleep and I have written my letter to my husband and watched my DVRd shows.....then the lonliness hits. I cannot sleep. I have a TERRIFIC baby girl who graciously sleeps 5+ hours at night before waking for that first and last feeding before morning. Yet I am awake. No real stressors. (HA I just had to come back to this because I realized that that may sound strange 'no real stressors' with all I have going on but no really aside from the antics of my oldest things are smooth)Yet I am still plagued by insomnia. and it is lonely I miss my husband heck even if he is laying here snoring he is still HERE and that in itself is comforting. Instead he is out playing sailor and is haze grey and underway. POOEY. Yeah I know i know pooey why use such strong language? haha
Good news we are what almost 7 weeks into it. OK OK Just a touch over 6 weeks BUT I like almost seven better when it comes to talking about the deployment and 6 weeks when I am talking abot my daughters age.
Well I had better do something boring and waste some timemaybe ohhhh laundry YIPPIE NOT but it is never ending here.
Good news we are what almost 7 weeks into it. OK OK Just a touch over 6 weeks BUT I like almost seven better when it comes to talking about the deployment and 6 weeks when I am talking abot my daughters age.
Well I had better do something boring and waste some timemaybe ohhhh laundry YIPPIE NOT but it is never ending here.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
on a positive note......
21% DONE We are gettting there!!
Mental illness
It isn't all puppy's and rainbows.
DS#1, wow, I know that god doesn't give you more than you can handle but I just wish he didn't think I could handle as much...
DS has been in a bit of a downswing lately. That is what I call the bad times. It is a bit nicer than referring to it as PURE HELL
Today after a head vs brick wall afternoon he wouldn't do his chore. Simply the dishes. After I sent him to his room he came back down in a few minutes demanding I feed him. I told him he had to do his chores after a bit of back and forth. I will spare you the way he treats/talks to me. After telling him for the umpteenth time to go to his room, he refused and when I stood up to take him there he ran out the door with no shoes saying he was running away! Yeah I was dumbfounded too. I told him if he went I was calling the police. After he not so politely told me to go ahead... I did.
So a couple of hours of the sheriff dept looking for him and they were about to call in search and rescue. He was found laying in the ravine. IN THE WATER. We are getting heavy rain after a couple of dry days. Lordy the boy is lucky to be alive. He was soaked to the bone! He refused to come home. The deputy said it was home or the detention center. We came to a compromise he is staying at a neighbors for a couple of days. It will be no picnic for him there either. I honestly wish he would have went to the detention center. It would have taught him that he is VERY detached with reality. But it is that damn illness. He has a blurry line between reality and fantasy. He thinks we are all out to get him. UGH!!!! All of this over him not wanting to wash dishes (there were 4 left). I want to knock sense into him I really do but you can't It wouldn't do any good and it would , in his mind , justify the fact that we are all out to get him.
I am tired and stressed and just I need a break from this stuff. We can flow together mostly this however is not flowing well
DS#1, wow, I know that god doesn't give you more than you can handle but I just wish he didn't think I could handle as much...
DS has been in a bit of a downswing lately. That is what I call the bad times. It is a bit nicer than referring to it as PURE HELL
Today after a head vs brick wall afternoon he wouldn't do his chore. Simply the dishes. After I sent him to his room he came back down in a few minutes demanding I feed him. I told him he had to do his chores after a bit of back and forth. I will spare you the way he treats/talks to me. After telling him for the umpteenth time to go to his room, he refused and when I stood up to take him there he ran out the door with no shoes saying he was running away! Yeah I was dumbfounded too. I told him if he went I was calling the police. After he not so politely told me to go ahead... I did.
So a couple of hours of the sheriff dept looking for him and they were about to call in search and rescue. He was found laying in the ravine. IN THE WATER. We are getting heavy rain after a couple of dry days. Lordy the boy is lucky to be alive. He was soaked to the bone! He refused to come home. The deputy said it was home or the detention center. We came to a compromise he is staying at a neighbors for a couple of days. It will be no picnic for him there either. I honestly wish he would have went to the detention center. It would have taught him that he is VERY detached with reality. But it is that damn illness. He has a blurry line between reality and fantasy. He thinks we are all out to get him. UGH!!!! All of this over him not wanting to wash dishes (there were 4 left). I want to knock sense into him I really do but you can't It wouldn't do any good and it would , in his mind , justify the fact that we are all out to get him.
I am tired and stressed and just I need a break from this stuff. We can flow together mostly this however is not flowing well
Thursday, April 17, 2008
16% done
With this deployment (give or take of course). The thing that is irritating me at the moment? I have been rather diligent about writing letters and all. I have come close(ish) to mailing something DAILY. It has been over a month and my husband has yet to see even one thing! grrrr
